Musings on Motherhood: Comparing. And not comparing.

When my first baby, a beautiful little girl we named Audrey, was born, I was convinced that she was the best baby ever. She was absolutely perfect. She was the cutest, smartest, sweetest thing ever, and every move or sound she made was amazing. Sound familiar? I'm pretty sure every first-time mom feels the exact same way about their little bundle of perfect joy (at least, I sure hope so!).

Every developmental milestone my sweet baby reached served as more and more evidence of her absolute perfection. She started walking at 10 months. Amazing. She learned how to drink out of a straw at 10 months also. Incredible, especially considering that my husband apparently didn't master that skill until kindergarten. At her 12-month checkup her pediatrician was blown away by the long list of words she could say, body parts she knew, and how well she followed directions. I'm sure I smiled a bit smugly during the doctor's praise. After all, I already knew I was raising a prodigy!

Just after our little genius turned two, we found out we were expecting another little genius. I have always known that every pregnancy/birth/child is different, but I went into that pregnancy thinking that the differences between Genius Child 1 and Genius Child 2 would be minimal.

That's where I was wrong.

From the very beginning, this second child was not only different, but completely different. With Audrey, I worked full time all through my pregnancy and never missed a day of work for anything. Sure I felt pretty crummy the first few months and even lost 10 pounds that first trimester, but it really wasn't that bad. With Paige, it was a very good thing that I was a stay-at-home mom because there were days during the first trimester that I literally could not get out of bed because I was so sick. I lost closer to 15 pounds during the first trimester with her. That's when I started comparing. I was absolutely sure that I would be having a boy, because I'd already had a girl and that girl hadn't made me nearly this sick. So I must be having a boy this time, right? Wrong.

Then came fetal movements. Audrey was always super active in utero, kicking and rolling and hooking her feet underneath my ribs and flipping them (OWWW). Since she was born, though, she's been active but also tends to be very calm, cuddly, and able to sit still. Paige, on the other had, was noticeably less active in utero, to the point where from time to time I would panic, guzzle some juice, and poke and prod my belly until she gave a half-hearted kick as if to say, "Yeah, Mom, I'm still here. Quit bugging me so I can go back to sleep." Since she was born, though, the girl is like a shark: she has to keep moving or else she'll drown.

The list of differences between the girls is seemingly endless: Audrey was always a superstar eater, tasting and eating anything placed in front of her. Paige is the world's pickiest eater, and we have only recently coaxed her out of the cheese-and-bread-only phase that has encompassed the vast majority of her second year of life. Audrey is blonde with her dad's green eyes, Paige is a brown-eyed brunette like me. Audrey has (sadly!) outgrown her baby curls and is now stick-straight, Paige has tighter ringlets than Audrey ever had.

And then there's the talking.

Audrey started talking early and has always spoken very well and very clearly, so I just figured that Paige's speech would be similar. Not so. Miss Paige just turned two and her list of words is still not very long at all. I can tell that she is every bit as intelligent as Audrey, she has amazing receptive language and can understand everything we say, she can imitate almost anything we do, but for whatever reason, she just hasn't developed her expressive language yet.

I think the hardest part of Paige not talking is all of the frustration. I get frustrated that she isn't using real words when I think she should be able to, and she gets extremely frustrated that I don't always (or usually) understand her grunts, gestures, and Paige-ese.

She is making huge progress, though. Just in the past couple of weeks we can tell that she is trying so hard to talk, and she has gained several new words. For that I have been so grateful. I know it isn't easy on her to not be able to express her little wants and ideas, and it's been extremely humbling for me as a mom. It's one thing to say (and think you know!) that every child is different, it's a completely different thing to realize every single day exactly how true that statement is. I have to remind myself almost daily not to compare her to Audrey, or to any other child, for that matter. She's just Paige. And she's just perfect.

Someday soon this stage will be over and hopefully we'll be able to look back and remember all of her cute little made-up word approximations rather than all of the frustration. In the meantime, we will keep talking to her about everything that's happening, keep encouraging her to use the signs and words she does know, keep treasuring the time we get to spend reading books to her, keep asking millions of "yesh/uh-uh" questions throughout the day to find out what she's thinking, keep NOT comparing her to other kids, and more than anything, just keep loving her.

But, I mean, the girl can say "yesh, Mama" already so that's all she really needs to know, right?

Little Mothers

Carrie and I know a thing or two about child-rearing. We have over 40 years of collective child-care-taking experience and homemaking. Yikes, that makes us sound old, but we're not*; we just started really young.

We come from a large family. I am the second oldest of six children, and Carrie is only 13 months younger than I am. For as long as I can remember, she and I have practiced our mothering and homemaking skills. As girls, we were often referred to as the "little mothers". 

It started with our dolls. Mine was a boy named Eric (after Prince Eric from Little Mermaid) and Carrie's was a girl named Kirsten (after Kirsten from the original American Girls dolls). We cared for these dolls like they were real. We'd wash their clothes in the bathroom sink. We fed them, strolled them around in little strollers, bathed them, swaddled them, and loved them to pieces.

We grew out of the doll phase just in time to start caring for a real baby: Our youngest brother, born in 1993. Carrie was the best at getting him to fall asleep. And we loved that little baby just like we'd loved Kirsten and Eric. 

Then we were old enough to babysit other kids, which we did all through our teens. We also took on a lot of other responsibilities around our home, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. Eventually we each got married and had our own children. 

Which brings us to today. I have four children: Ashleigh is 9, Hailey 7, Kai is 4, and Baby Grey is 6 months. Carrie has two girls, ages 4 and almost 2.  

Welcome to our blog!

Chelsea

*I will turn 30 at the end of this month. 

Musings on Motherhood and Mommy Blogs.

I used to look from time to time at other people's blogs as a way to gain ideas and inspiration on how to be a better mother. You know, like cute things to do on birthdays/holidays to show my girls that I loved them, delicious, healthy recipes to make, fun games or crafts to stimulate my girls' minds and further our mother-daughter-sisterly bonding.

But in reality what would happen after looking at so many my-life-is-so-perfect-my-children-are-the-best-we-have-fun-all-the-time blogs is that I would start comparing. I would start thinking, "Oh, I don't (fill in the blank: have as cute or clean of a house, do fun activities all the time, dress myself or my girls in super-trendy, cute clothes and accessories, etc.) like this blog author does." Or, "Oh, man, I (fill in the blank again: get impatient with my girls from time to time, have a sink full of dishes and baskets full of laundry and yet I'm on the internet ignoring them, am still carrying around babyweight, etc.) and it doesn't sound like this blog author ever does."

I would end up more discouraged than inspired. I had to stop reading those types of blogs because I was getting so down on myself. I had to realize and have to keep reminding myself that even though I may do _______ or not do _________, that doesn't make me a bad mom. I know there are things I'm probably doing wrong as a mother, but there are definitely a lot of things I know I'm doing right. And comparing my faults to someone else's successes was not a fair comparison at all. Those moms have their faults too, everyone does, they just weren't featured on their blogs.

And that's the thing: I wasn't seeing these other blog author moms in their homes, in the trenches, day in and day out like I was seeing me and my family. Of course their lives looked/sounded/seemed perfect--that's how they photographed, wrote about, edited, and chose to portray them on their blogs. In short, I was comparing my outtakes, bloopers, and behind-the-scenes to their highlight reels.

The irony is not lost on me, then, that I chose to start this mommy blog and join the mommy blog ranks. But I started this because I want it to be different. I don't want this blog to cause the same mommy discouragement that I felt after reading those other blogs. My hope is that this blog will be able to provide a fairer comparison for everyday, non-perfect moms.

I intend to share the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, the successes and the failures, and I hope you'll rejoice and/or commiserate with me: 

* Check it out, I finished a cool project. I'll tell you honestly how long it sat around half-finished and how many treats it took for my girls to stop whining enough for me to finally complete it. 

* I haven't showered in __ days because I've been up all night each night with a sick/teething child and I keep choosing naps over hygiene during the day. Oh, you too? Awesome! Wanna swap perfume and rock greasy updos together?

* I feel like SuperMom today! Let me list all the things I've accomplished before lunchtime. Feel free to pat me on the back.

* Ugh, this potty training business is killing me. At this point I'm pretty sure we should just get new carpet...

Motherhood is absolutely amazing, please don't get me wrong. It is the very best choice I have made in my life, the most fulfilling, rewarding thing I have ever done. But motherhood is also hard. Very hard. My life as a mother is not perfect, and not every moment is beautiful and mommy blog worthy. But I love it. That's what I want to portray on this blog: there is immense joy in being a mother, and not everything has to be perfect in order to find that joy. 

I certainly hope that I can be a source of support to other moms in finding the overall joy in the ups and downs of motherhood. Joy and humor. Definitely humor! Because honestly, there are so many times as a mom when, if you didn't laugh, you'd break down crying. I mean, am I right?

I thank you in advance for your support of me, and it is my sincere hope that I can lend needed support to other moms as well.

Carrie.

The First One.

We have so many ideas for this blog, so many topics and projects to post about and discuss, but we need to get The First Post out of the way so that we can jump right into all of our scathingly brilliant ideas*.

Let's start with introductions, shall we? My name is Carrie, and I am a stay-at-home-mom to two beautiful little girls. I will be co-authoring this blog with my sister/friend/partner in crime Chelsea, who is also a stay-at-home-mom to two girls...and two boys.

I am not a perfect mom. In fact, that's exactly why I wanted to start this blog.

I know that I'm not the best mom in the world, but I also know that I'm not the worst mom either. I fall somewhere in the middle. I'm pretty average, I guess, but I am trying my hardest to be on the upper end of average, closer to the "best mom" end of the spectrum.

That's where the blog name comes from : I am striving to be an Upper Average Mom.

Simply put, this is a mommy blog. But before you roll your eyes and navigate off to some other corner of the internet, allow me to clarify: this will not be a my-life-is-perfect-all-the-time mommy blog. Perfection is unattainable; we all have our struggles and faults, and not everything goes according to plan all the time. We plan on using this blog to celebrate the successes and failures we experience in this motherhood business, and to seek out the overall joy in the sometimes mundane, ordinary everyday.

As moms, we can never have too much support from other moms who know what we're going through. There truly is strength in numbers. So join us! Let's all become Upper Average Moms together.




* We come from a movie-watching, movie-quoting family, so movie quotes have become automatic in our everyday conversations (and blog posts). There will be prizes for readers who can recognize and identify them. Well, actually no, there probably won't be prizes since you could just Google most of the quotes, but still, a virtual high-five from us will go out to readers who recognize and identify our many movie quotes. May the force be with you. I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.